Defeated in Battle

[sage]

Defeat the person above you in battle. Keep it fun. Keep it creative.

Example:
Sage: "I rush you with a stick."
Xyphien: "I grab your stick, snap it in half, and shove it in your eyeballs."
Sage: "While you're stabbing my eyeballs, I pull out my trusty backup stick and stab you in the heart."
LTN: "I blast you to smithereens with a canon from a safe distance."
Xyphien: "I land on your canon via jetpack (the other Xyphien was just a decoy), stick you in it, and fire."

If you want to write an essay about your crazy plan to defeat the person above you, go ahead. It's more fun that way.

Now, I'll start:

I rush at you with a stick.

 

[Mysiath]

I grab your stick, break it in half, and throw it behind me and hear someone groan because I harmed the poster below me. I then put my fists up and make the 'come at me bro' motion!

#OP

 

[Jiriki9]

Hit by the stick, I fall into a barehanded berserker rage and smash my fists on you in a shower of fast, iron-heavy punches.

 

[Lore]

Curious about whats going on, I prance around dropping caltrops around your feet.

 

[Jiriki9]

I unfold my wings, up to now hidden beneath my cloth, and attack you with the fury of a harpy.

 

[sage]

After recovering both halves of my stick and taping them together, I leap forward and plunge it into one of Jiriki's wings.

 

[Lore]

Collecting the dropped Caltrops, I fashion them into a Caltrop/Frag Grenade and toss it at @sage, where it explodes upon your head.

 

[sage]

I reach down and grab a nearby pumpkin to replace my now missing head.
Then, I shove more and more vanilla ice cream down @Lore's throat until he chokes.

 

[Lore]

Whilst drowning and choking in the icecream, I suddenly learn how to breathe it, and so I take a metal rake I found and stab you in the thigh. I need topping for my icecream after all, and what better topping than the blood of my enemies.

 

[sage]

With the last of my strength, I pee in your ice cream. If the vanilla didn't kill you, my diseased fluids will.

 

[Lore]

Infected by the diseased fluids, I manage to drench you in kerosene and set you on fire.

 

[Jiriki9]

Jumping into desert sand, I quench the fire - and throw the desert sand into your eyes, blinding you!

 

[Lore]

Blinded, I throw a grenade in your general direction

 

[Jiriki9]

Watching the grenade explode from safe distant, I circle around the blinded you and backstab your legs.

 

[sage]

I prop up my stick so that it's poking out of the ground, and push you backwards, onto it.

 

[Lore]

I staple my leg wounds closed, before firing a nail gun into your face.

 

[Jiriki9]

Matrix-style, I just duck away backwards, jump up, and kick you out of the screen.

 

[Lore]

I explode, my blood turning into corrosive acid which burns your flesh.

Then I laugh as my duplicate dies.

 

[Jiriki9]

My flesh burnt away, I implant mechanical parts, becoming a cyborg and then fry you with my electric fist.

 

[Lore]

After such a shocking experience, I decide I'd like to add a little spark to my attack, so I light up a firework and wedge it in a space between your mechanical parts.