Alium - The First Octave (Plot Help Wanted.)

[Arythorn]

so, I'll dive right in, I have a few basic components for my plot line. Mainly the start and end. SO let me lay out what I have.

Characters -

Spoiler

Mains
Uschi - Coastal Village Girl, Likes to Climb Trees.
Nami - Small Child, Lives in small village with drought
Teven - City Boy, likes the night sky, deep thoughted
Gamma - Posh, more snobbier city-dweller

Other Notable Characters
Wrozian - Evil, Power Thwarted, Seeking Revenge
Galvora (Yes, since she was loved before, she's back again!) - Goddess/Ruler, Guardian of thr Island.

Plot Points So Far - (Warning - LONG)

Spoiler

Galvora and Wrozian are siblings, one fateful day during their childhood, Galvora gets swept away
via a large storm. Wrozian is distraught and wants revenge. He asks the Gods for power later on in life, gets more than he bargained for, becomes power mad, and starts trying to find Galvora - By force.

Galvora ends up washed up on The Island (Yet to be names officially XD) after the stor and eventually becomes the Guardian and Ruler.

Each Year, Galvora strengthens the Barriers she placed around the island (basically encasing the island in a large dome/bubble) - No one knows why she does this, but they simply accept it as their way of life.

Now Then, Each MAIN character has something AGAINST the Barrier -

Uschi - Wants to climb the tallest tree in the Island - but the barrier prevents her from reaching its peak
Nami - Want to end the drought in her village as the barrier is too thick in that part to allow rain to pass
Teven - Teven... Teven simply wants to see the stars... But the barrier blocks the sky's full beauty
Gamma - Wants to sail off the island and start a family somewhere.

I need a way top get all the Mains to meet up and also for them to actually begin their quest to do something about the barrier... all Iknow is that Wrozian gets killed in the end and his last line just before death reveals his sister is Galvora... then the game ends... Because Emotion!

IMPORTANT - Nami and Uschi already know each other because Uschi has been helping Nami and her village survive.

 

[Senou_Tetsuka]

hello I'm from the south east

I mostly agree with all the plots you got so far, I like it
so maybe I can help too add some plot to help you with.
how about adding some special spots when Characters Supposed to team up.

or (another) purpose why Galvora want to strengthen the barrier, like that big wave is gonna hit again in the next 20 years or sooner, build more plots from many purposes from the MC will keep you on track, and it will Spread to any kind of plot that works

ow i just got a good idea, how about Uschi and Nami actually know Wrozian. that will make there purpose Confronting Galvora more interesting, like this special scene where uschi and nami actually communicating with wrozian from inside out. why "inside-out" because players could see the fact that the MC are really in a Dome.

and before the Emotional ending, how about Wrozian death was a sacrifice or got hit by some Unknown Ray from the Heavens

over all Great Job!!

 

[Arythorn]

hello I'm from the south east

I mostly agree with all the plots you got so far, I like it
so maybe I can help too add some plot to help you with.
how about adding some special spots when Characters Supposed to team up.

or (another) purpose why Galvora want to strengthen the barrier, like that big wave is gonna hit again in the next 20 years or sooner, build more plots from many purposes from the MC will keep you on track, and it will Spread to any kind of plot that works

ow i just got a good idea, how about Uschi and Nami actually know Wrozian. that will make there purpose Confronting Galvora more interesting, like this special scene where uschi and nami actually communicating with wrozian from inside out. why "inside-out" because players could see the fact that the MC are really in a Dome.

and before the Emotional ending, how about Wrozian death was a sacrifice or got hit by some Unknown Ray from the Heavens

over all Great Job!!

Thank You so Much!

But quick question - How would Nami and Galvora know/find out about Wrozian? And how would Wrozian get in to the dome to be killed/die in the first place... ooh, rather than "Unknown Heavenly Ray" it is "That wave that's meant to hit that I (Wrozian) sent to break the barrier" because he realizes that his sister is safe and happy?? Also, how would they communicate with him if the dome surrounding the island is in the sea (like, the rim of the dome if that makes sense) because its in an open ocean...

Also, how would Teven and Gamma come into all this...

EDIT - Worked something out...

Spoiler: Map With Plans

Does this look better/Like a good idea or do i need to move a few things around?

 

[Senou_Tetsuka]

wow, what a great map! done pretty good job

How would Nami and Galvora know/find out about Wrozian?

i guess i make this clear :( , like the flow map , nami take uschi to introduce him to Wrozian, nami is actually taking him to the "edge" of the barrier of course the barrier isn't "sound" proof. is it?

well the point is that nami have knew Wrozian "way" longer the she know Uschi, and she believe there is a way to save the people and uschi will believe there is a place for all them to explore or lived in the outside worlds

worzian will not get inside the barrier, instead he walks(or swims) around the barrier. then when everybody is in that blimp wrozian can actually walk on the barrier, and wrozian will break a hole on top of galvora's castle, and she will be shocked or surprised its just some parts that identified the feel of a world in a barrier.

well in my case if i choose to use the sacrifice part, the barrier would break if in something that emotionally attached or final phase powers will happen to wrozian then that "Big wave" gonna come and there is no time to rebuild the whole barrier in just 3 hours or less, so he sacrifice himself to protect Galvora he Loved

Also, how would Teven and Gamma come into all this...

lets have them in the other side of the story like using the "Mean While" kind of thing

cause on the map it feels like they all go separate ways and the end they all meet at the blimp

 

[Jiriki9]

First of all, this looks like a solid basic plot line to me, so good job there.
What I, so far, miss, is a feeling of sense at some points - which of course might come with the details. I think in this storyline the motives of all characters are a key aspect. I think @Senou_Tetsuka's idea of splitting the story up is not bad. If I were you I'd avoid the "I help you if you help me get the medicine for my mother motivation" as it's off the whole plotline and a bit overused, imo.

Also it is hard for me to take the name Uschi seriously, because in Germany, that name's often used derogatory, sometimes for a fun effect, but it is hard to take it seriously somehow. Especially if "Uschi" is neither (too old, shabby or unnaturally) a prostitute nor a housewive in her 40s or 50s.... but that definitely is personal.

 

[Arythorn]

First of all, this looks like a solid basic plot line to me, so good job there.
What I, so far, miss, is a feeling of sense at some points - which of course might come with the details. I think in this storyline the motives of all characters are a key aspect. I think @Senou_Tetsuka's idea of splitting the story up is not bad. If I were you I'd avoid the "I help you if you help me get the medicine for my mother motivation" as it's off the whole plotline and a bit overused, imo.

OK, I guess that does make sense, I was kind of using it as a way to get the characters to all meet up... unless instead of "I'll help if you get this medicine" it is "Yes I'll help, but I need to get this medicine."

Also it is hard for me to take the name Uschi seriously, because in Germany, that name's often used derogatory, sometimes for a fun effect, but it is hard to take it seriously somehow. Especially if "Uschi" is neither (too old, shabby or unnaturally) a prostitute nor a housewive in her 40s or 50s.... but that definitely is personal.

Ah... I see... Well, I guess we'll just have to see how she fares in the game then...

 

[Leanne]

What if Wrozian started destroying other islands coz he can't find Galvora? Like: "All of you are useless! Disappear from this world!"
Then, him destroying that certain land caused some major earthquakes and gives a crack to Galvora's barrier.
This "crack" was seen as "chance" for this 4 to fulfill their dreams.

The 4 char could meet by:
>Galvora ordering people to not get near the crack, yet these 4 did the opposite and find each other.
>Wrozian sensed something from that crack, went inside and started destroying stuffs due to reasons. ( Thug Life. XD ) Thus, the inhabitants are forced to escape together/fight together.
>Monster raid due to Wrozian's dark magic attracting beasts. Then, Galvora asks volunteers to help near the "crack" area and these 4 char enlisted themselves to save the land.

 

[Arythorn]

What if Wrozian started destroying other islands coz he can't find Galvora? Like: "All of you are useless! Disappear from this world!"
Then, him destroying that certain land caused some major earthquakes and gives a crack to Galvora's barrier.
This "crack" was seen as "chance" for this 4 to fulfill their dreams.

The 4 char could meet by:
>Galvora ordering people to not get near the crack, yet these 4 did the opposite and find each other.
>Wrozian sensed something from that crack, went inside and started destroying stuffs due to reasons. ( Thug Life. XD ) Thus, the inhabitants are forced to escape together/fight together.
>Monster raid due to Wrozian's dark magic attracting beasts. Then, Galvora asks volunteers to help near the "crack" area and these 4 char enlisted themselves to save the land.

YES! That would work... AND would allow Wrozian access to the island... so now im thinking...

~ Large Earthquake/Natural Disaster causes crack in barrier
~ Mains all go to the Break
~ Galvora quickly turns up and closes it, she seems panicky
~ After she has quickly left, the 4 decide to investigate

~ Wrozian has already got himself into the island and is in hiding
~ Upon confrontation with Galvora, he turns up.
~ Nami is distraught that her 'friend' turns out to be horrible so Gamma steps in to make Wrozian pay
~ Everyone is kind of stuck as to what to do...
~ Reveal that Galvora and Wrozian are Sisters
~ Wrozian Dies/Gets Killed.

 

[Leanne]

Yes~! \(*O*)/ I think that'll work.
Galvora and Wrozian kinda reminded me of the Disney movie "Moana". XD It's like Te Fiti's personality split in 2.
Well, good luck with your game. XD I'm excited to see it. ;)

 

[Arythorn]

Aha, need to watch it, not seen it yet! I'll have to keep you updated on how it's going then! Thanks for all the help - think I'll add you in the credits cause you have kind of just helped me make like, the entire thing because I needed the plot line aha.

 

[Leanne]

Awww. *///u///* <3
(/^\) That's such an honor. <3 Thank you!
I'll be sure to support you in any way I can. ;)
If there's anything else I could help you with, I'll run to your aid. ^u^)b

 

[Nemo]

Any chance you've heard of the mysterious isle of Hy-Brasil? It's an old gaelic legend of an island shrouded in mist except for one week per year, and it's said no sailor has ever reached it's shores. Eventually, the island simply vanished, as if snatched from the world as Atlantis was. Some have even said it's the island home of the spirits. A fantastic animated film called Song of the Sea has the island in it, but it isn't mentioned by name. It might be worth looking into if you need inspiration :3

Also, "Uisce" is gaelic for water. Pronounced "Ish-kuh". Pretty close to the original name but given she lives near the coast, it could fit.

Seeing as each of the party members you gave have a beef with the barrier, it could be the unifying motivation between them. The first two characters are good friends, so them just up and joining each other with just the barrier to go on makes sense. Perhaps you could set up a side plot for Teven involving something unusual, say, people vanishing from town with no explanation or strange sounds heard at night. Investigation and curiosity can be strong motivations for players, if they're pulled in and involved. Perhaps as he's a stargazer, he could also be a bookworm who can help the party with some sweet, sweet lore.

For Gamma? That's a good question. If he's the grumpy kind, I could see him being pretty desperate and willing to try anything. Maybe to convince him you'd need some kind of evidence that Wrozian is back for more. A higher class city snob may see it as his civic duty, or could be forced into the situation as some sort of reparations for a crime. Perhaps even one he didn't commit.

Just my thoughts. Despite the small cast and the limited area the game takes place on, you have quite a bit of stuff to work off of, and this could make for a pretty sweet game. Best of luck working everything out.~

 

[Senou_Tetsuka]

Yes~! \(*O*)/ I think that'll work.
Galvora and Wrozian kinda reminded me of the Disney movie "Moana". XD It's like Te Fiti's personality split in 2.
Well, good luck with your game. XD I'm excited to see it. ;)

woah "Moana" is a great movie, I miss the Disney princesses after "Frozen", and its might fit with this game

want to see this until the end :D

 

[Arythorn]

You Guys Are Incredible! All of you. I seriously want to hire you all because you all have such great ideas and explanations and general helpfulness! Thank You!

Now then, onto my actual point; I am thinking of perhaps separating the story into 'Chapters' which would also make the 'meanwhile' suggestion work, but in a different kind of way and allow for smoother transactions between places and characters and allow for 'cutscenes' from other characters in-between Chapters.

Chapters could also act as 'Checkpoints' - allowing the player to save at a 'convenient' point in the storyline - and just to put some of you at rest, you could still save at any point in time if needed of course.

EDIT - I have mapped out a Chapter Plan -

Spoiler: Current Plan

Note - 'Focus Character' and the colours in general just mean who you play as/who is involved mainly :D

 

[Senou_Tetsuka]

good flow chart, its pretty informative, it feels its gonna be a ......big........ game, but when you have that flow chart it could help making your game and mind on track, it is essential for those who want to think big.

what I didn't understand was parts where Teven is in the story, he seems a pretty smart kid and keeps himself giving a lot of information
its gonna be a really long dialog, so keep in mind to leak the information when it really I mean really needed, or else you could get them in to laziness

like the flow chart its even more colorful then mine

 

[Arythorn]

Agreed, It's a LOT of dialog... and Teven seems to provide a lot of background information. But, with none of the main characters fully aware of what is really happening whilst they go about their lives... I'm not too sure HOW I can get in the important information... hopefully I can figure something out!

 

[Jiriki9]

The flow chart is awesome indeed.

Do I understand correctly that there are no 2-character-chapters?!

 

[Arythorn]

Aha, there ARE multiple character chapters, just the colour is who the player plays as as the lead.

For example, lots on Nami's Chapters will be with Uschi as well. And vice versa.

 

[Jiriki9]

Aah, ok. Now I understood it better. :) Maybe I got the wrong idea because in my project the 3 main chars seperate at the beginning and do not team up again until short before the end.

 

[Arythorn]

Aah, ok. Now I understood it better. :) Maybe I got the wrong idea because in my project the 3 main chars seperate at the beginning and do not team up again until short before the end.

Mine only team up at the end, like, the VERY end aha, but maybe there will be an outro showing what happened after the battle, maybe how life on the island changed, or how they could finally do what they wanted to do... We'll see when we get there :)
[doublepost=1508945242,1489604236][/doublepost]Gah, I remember starting this! Why did I give it up? Well, I guess I know what I'm finally going to be focusing on!