My Game Plot - Feedback Greatly Appreciated

[Arythorn]

So I am creating a game - Not sure on name yet, so thing along the lines of Galvora's Daughter... - and would like some feedback on the plot...

Spoiler: Plot

So, you play as the main character, obviously, but no name is ever given to this character, maybe it will be revealed at some point but I'm not sure. You live a normal life in a normal town, till strange things begin happening around you, unexplained things... So

So bring the hero you are after you have picked your class... You set off to unravel the mysteries of the island, all the while learning of its history, legends and rumours. You Eventually open a Portal to Infinia (Heaven basically) Where you learn you are Galvora's Daughter... You them are sent to hell where you meet the devil himself - Preax, and he has even more news...
And a harrowing problem that could destroy the last safe place in this universe... But only you can stop it...

In the Sequel... Yes, Cliffhanger Alert!

So, What do you think? Any Tips? Suggestions? I value constructive criticism! So, critisize away!

Thanks in Advance...

BeeTree :D

 

[Cunechan]

Ahh the beginning slightly reminds me of LoneLy by OmegaCreator (I think). Yeah, I like it ouo I hope its set in the modern world. Will you meet other persons who will join the party or do you play only the protagonist ouo? But there's a lot you can do with this~

 

[Phil]

So I am creating a game - Not sure on name yet, so thing along the lines of Galvora's Daughter... - and would like some feedback on the plot...

Spoiler: Plot

So, you play as the main character, obviously, but no name is ever given to this character, maybe it will be revealed at some point but I'm not sure. You live a normal life in a normal town, till strange things begin happening around you, unexplained things... So

So bring the hero you are after you have picked your class... You set off to unravel the mysteries of the island, all the while learning of its history, legends and rumours. You Eventually open a Portal to Infinia (Heaven basically) Where you learn you are Galvora's Daughter... You them are sent to hell where you meet the devil himself - Preax, and he has even more news...
And a harrowing problem that could destroy the last safe place in this universe... But only you can stop it...

In the Sequel... Yes, Cliffhanger Alert!

So, What do you think? Any Tips? Suggestions? I value constructive criticism! So, critisize away!

Thanks in Advance...

BeeTree :D

Galvora! Wow sick Name 10/10
Preax Ehhhh.... 1/10

Story is pretty sounds very basic, and in my opinion there are aspects of the story that can be improved.
Firstly, this story is not the most original, in my OPINION, But, there are games with basic story but turns into
critical acclaim. So I cannot judge your game, solely on the story alone.
Secondly, your settings ( Which is in a modern world) is a very interesting twist, And I would reccomend
having the game stuck on the settings on the modern world, because if it were in a medieval kingdom, sadly
it would be too generic. Your settings is the one thing that shines out of the rest of the other game, and you should
let it shine even brighter.

 

[Arythorn]

Galvora! Wow sick Name 10/10
Preax Ehhhh.... 1/10

Ok! Will rework the name a bit!! So thank you both for replying, going to have to work on the story - it's only in its VERY early stages... And the Modern setting does intrigue. So I will have to rebuild my world a little bit... good job I only have a small handful of maps (one town and around ten interior maps), as stated, constructive criticism is probably the best thing for going forward... Considering making a proper site so I can track progress and post development updates...

 

[Phil]

Ok! Will rework the name a bit!! So thank you both for replying, going to have to work on the story - it's only in its VERY early stages... And the Modern setting does intrigue. So I will have to rebuild my world a little bit... good job I only have a small handful of maps (one town and around ten interior maps), as stated, constructive criticism is probably the best thing for going forward... Considering making a proper site so I can track progress and post development updates...

Good luck, and never give up :)

 

[Arythorn]

https://rpgmakermv.co/threads/past-futures-plot-feedback-wanted.4781/

New Thread on New, updated, COMPLETELY Revamped Concept...

 

[Cunechan]

Galvora! Wow sick Name 10/10
Preax Ehhhh.... 1/10

Story is pretty sounds very basic, and in my opinion there are aspects of the story that can be improved.
Firstly, this story is not the most original, in my OPINION, But, there are games with basic story but turns into
critical acclaim. So I cannot judge your game, solely on the story alone.
Secondly, your settings ( Which is in a modern world) is a very interesting twist, And I would reccomend
having the game stuck on the settings on the modern world, because if it were in a medieval kingdom, sadly
it would be too generic. Your settings is the one thing that shines out of the rest of the other game, and you should
let it shine even brighter.

Yeah agreed true BUT even if some parts are clichée or basic it can turn out to be a masterpiece if the storytelling is good ;3 I hope you can build a good atmosphere and humanic decisions, the player bonds with the protagonist a lot and understands him~

Edit: Lol Idk why it sent just now but I'll take a look at the new thread xD Sorry, my bad

 

[Arythorn]

Was just going to redirect you there actually! Its practically an entirely different plot! But Its much better!

Um... It like, double quoted! Oops but I'm going to keep it cause It just looks weird...